Diagnosis: Postpartum Depression

Anxiety issues run in my family.  I've always been able to talk myself down and calm down.  Ryan is an AMAZING husband and knows when I'm starting to get anxious and panic.  He deals with my "craziness" better than I do. My family has a history of depression too.  I had depression at 19 and 20 when I was diagnosed with endometreosis and during the treatment following the diagnosis.  Because of that I try to be aware of how I'm feeling and what is causing me to feel the way I do.  Unfotunately, when you're busy being a wife, a mom to 3 kids, and taking care of a farm, worrying about yourself often becomes 2nd, 3rd, (and so on) priority.  I took Danica to our family doctor for her 6 month well baby checkup last week. Our doctor asked me how I was feeling and I burst into tears.  My happy face charade, that I didn't even realize I was putting on, came crashing down.  I guess I have been too busy doing everything for everyone else since Danica was born. I hadn't thought about me and how getting up in the morning has been so difficult. Danica has been sleeping through the night almost since we got home from the hospital. I shouldn't feel the need to nap on the couch every morning after getting 8 hours of sleep (which by the way is impossible to do with 3 kids). I didn't realize that every time something bad happens I feel like its my fault or that I could have somehow prevented it and then feel guilty. I didn't notice how my anxiety has caused ridiculous mood swings that even Ryan hasn't been able to figure out what to do with.  I did notice that a lot of days time slips by me. Suddenly hours have passed and I feel like I've accomplished nothing. I'm taking care of 3 kids during that time and that's something but I can't get my brain to accept that-that's good enough. Our doctor prescribed me an antidepressant and an anti-anxiety medication.  I've been on the anti-depressant for a little over a week now.  I'm looking forward to the 6 week mark when I should notice a big difference in how I feel to how I've felt the last few months.

Heinz ain't got nothin' on me!

And I have about that many still on the vines yet.  Its a good year!

Bittersweet Milestones

I've sat here for 30 min trying to think of something witty to say about watching my last baby meet her important milestones. I'm just as excited to see her roll over for the first time or take her first bite as I was with Landon, my first.  Yet I struggle with the reality that this will be the last time I see MY baby do each thing for a first time. It truly is bittersweet. I guess this is why mothers look forward to grandchildren. Did I really just say I'm looking forward to grandchildren? Note to self...get my head checked.
Danica had her 6 month checkup today.  She weighed in at 16 pounds 13 ounces and is 27 inches long.  She got one shot and smiled at the nurse through the whole thing...didn't so much as grimace.  On to the good stuff.

Getting the hang of sitting unsupported.

As if it wasn't a big enough deal for her to eat food for the first time...she grabbed the spoon and helped feed herself.